NAME: CATHRIONA CLEARY
BIRTH PLACE: Co.clare, Ireland
BIRTH DATE: 3.5.78
BIOGRAPHY
I always felt like I did not have a choice about being an artist. As a child I always loved to day dream and do creative things, writing and music and art. I struggled to be understood and to express myself. These interests were not really to be encouraged in me, in a way I probably did not believe that these creative pursuits were worth while, yet I was always drawn more in to the creative side of myself. The one thing that did become apparent to me once I had started studying fine art at collage was that I had a passion for Painting in particular abstract painting. I was interested in tones, shapes and colour and how they relate to each other in the composition but it is not just the technical side of abstract paintings that interests me. I also felt the was a personal search and journey I was undertaking at every stage.
The work I am currently undertaking started with paintings done for my previous exhibition in October last year, this exhibition consisted of eight paintings .The inspiration for these paintings was from medical photos and journals and were abstract expressions of the inner functions of the human body. The result of this was perhaps some very still colourful abstract paintings. While this material interests me somewhat, I felt that the finished paintings lacked the variety of expression and interest that I myself experienced in my research and early drawings I had made. The expression of stillness, however, that did come across in these paintings perhaps echoed of how I had been feeling inside, which was rather lost and empty. These are not feelings that I found myself comfortable with experiencing and coincided with feelings of anxiety and fear I experienced quite regularly through out my life.
This lead me to looking deeper inside myself, asking questions and searching for answers and was a starting point for the more intimate work that I am currently undertaking. I have always kept notebooks of ideas and research while I am making art and during this period of time i have been collecting, images ,text, drawings in journal form of things that interest my, and doing a lot of writing of my true feelings. In my search I have come to see a lot of my fears about expressing my true thoughts and feelings in everyday life. The ability of just expressing oneself, regardless of what people think is perhaps the most daunting thing in the world for me. I have perhaps come to a point in my life where i feel I can maybe look this fear in the eye. I have come to understand that this fear of being able to express myself comes from unhealed psychological wounds and is perhaps the primary source of this fear and anxiety.
As I look through my notebooks I see lots of sketches, collage, ideas, lyrics and paint all fused together, and these notebooks do contain the real expression, the real me, so to speak, and to cover this over, or dress this up would be a pity.
The current work I am doing I have decided to make simple collages from elements and images from these notebooks and display them framed. This is a very crucial experience for me, as I would be facing a major fear by just displaying these.
This work is currently ongoing and I have to battle with the urge in me to cover over or decorate the true expression of me that I feel this work has.
This search is rather a personal journey for me that lead me to questions and answers about myself, my life. For me this way of working has become, over time, a way for me to express my inner thoughts, feelings and emotions. Hopefully this will lead to a freedom in me to express myself and in turn make some more honest art.
